Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
