If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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