So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
