i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
