just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
