Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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