too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
