I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
