just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
