Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
