Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
