I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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