He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize