He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize