My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
