im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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