i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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