i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
a search helicopter?!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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