your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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