her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
