....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
