So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
