dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
