Umm I'm too high to move.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
