arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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