is your mom at the bar?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
