You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
