I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
