you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
