I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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