I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
