Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
