I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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