Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
