if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
