Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
