Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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