if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
