3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
