it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
