Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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