I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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