I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
