my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
