k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
