at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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