The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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