its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize