i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
