Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We need to get me chipped asap
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
