ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
