a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The best revenge is premature balding
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
