I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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