I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
