"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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