i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
