I am puke
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
