dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
