3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
