If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize