operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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