Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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