guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
