we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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