You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
