I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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