I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
well you can't waste a boner
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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