I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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