i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
