Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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