fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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