I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
