So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
