sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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