Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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