Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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